'Return to the Shire'

So it's been over 3 months now...I've been very slack at keeping this up to date!

Here's a brief update of 7 things I've been up to so far.
And also 7 ways I have found that make settling back home a little bit easier!

Over the last 3 months I have:

1. Moved from home to my grandparents house so I have a bit more independence
2. Got my first proper job doing relief early childhood teaching all over Wellington
3. Joined the XLT band that plays at our monthly Adoration nights
4. Prepared to join the LifeTeen core team, helping run music, small groups, activities and talks
5. Been to a LifeTeen convention in Auckland, a Young Adult conference in Hamilton, and Jesus 4 Real Senior Camp 
6. Found someone to support me in starting a prayer group in Wellington!
7. Figured out how to get more data so I can do things like post this (my grandparents don't have WiFi)

And yet, I still feel alone! I liken it to the Hobbits returning to the Shire after their amazing adventure away. They just sit there surrounded by friends, but somehow removed from them. Because no one knows what they have been through. And if they told them, no one would really believe them. But at least they have each other!

That's where I am at. I can sit there surrounded by friends. But at the same time not really connecting with them because they can't understand what I've experienced on MT. And even if I told them, I find sometimes people are a little doubtful that all that is true. I have changed so much over the last 2 years - from someone who is super introverted and hardly talked or interacted with others...to someone who isn't afraid to share my faith and is a little more outgoing. And they haven't been there to see that journey.   

SO WHAT HAS HELPED?                                                                                                                                   If you experience the same struggles, what might help you?

1. Stay involved with ministry/some sort of service 

I've given myself a few months break to just settle back in first - but continue to use what you've learnt on MT to help others! You can get so much joy out of service, and I find that is when I can truly be myself - and others begin to see for themselves the growth I have experienced.   

2. Find opportunities to tell people about your experiences

         

My parish supported me a lot in joining MT, so I spoke after mass about my time on MT, and I held an evening where I shared with them even more about my experience.
Even though only 2 parishioners showed up 😅, it was nice to talk with a few people who really cared about my journey and genuinely wanted to know more.
Think of ways you can share! There will be people out there who genuinely want to know what it was like.

3. Find a new group of friends

If you're like me and struggle to be who you've become amongst your old friends, you don't have to ditch them. But explore some new groups (e.g. I went to a Young Adult group, but it doesn't even have to be Catholic) with people you don't really know, who have no pre-conceived ideas of who you should be, and who will support you as you are. This might also give you the courage to be more yourself around your old friends too!   

4. Do what brings you joy!

Sounds super cheesy, but when I'm struggling to fill my time, feeling useless because I'm not really doing anything useful for Gods kingdom (which is not true!), feeling extra lonely, or super stressed out - I just stop, breathe, and read a book. Or go for a walk, or call a friend, journal or draw, listen to music, do the laundry (it is actually enjoyable!) etc...
This helps me recharge and feel like I have achieved something in my day. And it makes me happy. It takes my mind off all the struggles and worries, and helps me enjoy myself for a moment! Then I can get back into all the tasks with a clearer head.  

5. Find a Spiritual Director

It helps to have someone to talk to who will really listen, connect with you on a faith based level, pray with you, and give great feedback and advice! Ask your diocesan team who they'd suggest, and look around! You don't have to stick with the first person you meet with - find someone who works for you. And then commit to meeting them every month or so (not every 4 months like me...for someone who doesn't have many people to talk with I have been really slack at meeting with my Spiritual Director!).  

6. Count your blessings

Some days I find it really hard to be joyful...I've had a long day at work, I'm getting sick, I miss community or family. So I write down a list of all the things I have to be grateful for. Some days it's really hard! Like yesterday, I came up with a few generic ones. But at the end of the day I realised, 'You know what, I'm just glad that I'm alive!' Yes I had a hard day and felt pretty distant from God, but at the end of the day, I lived! There are so many people out there who don't have the freedom or ability to be able to say that about themselves or those around them. I am lucky to be alive! Count your blessings!    

7. Pray!

Just because you aren't surrounded by a community that prays together, and always reminds you to pray, and just because God might not be so obvious in your life, doesn't mean you should stop praying!
When things get too much, I have taken time out to stop and pray! Sometimes this has been through music, journaling, drawing, scripture, or just complete silence. Find something that works for you.
And persevere, even when it seems hard or fruitless. That's where I am at right now...but I have to trust that God is with me (but that's another whole blog post!). 

His love is relentless! And just because it seems like He's not doing anything, doesn't mean God isn't working behind the scenes! So persevere in prayer - and remember it goes 2-ways and you have to stop and listen to Him too.
(And now I am even thinking of starting up a Prayer Group here, to create a new community of people who can pray together and support one another.) 

So...

When you go home, I hope you have at least one person to share everything with, who will be able to understand and support you in your transition back into everyday life.
And if not I pray that God will provide you with the support you need to keep going! And here are 7 tips to help!

And remember - we are all called to be 'Everyday Missionaries,' as hard as it may be sometimes. as I was reminded on a youth camp recently - this life we've experienced on MT/camps/moments we feel really close to God IS NORMAL!! It's not just a once off! Otherwise the disciples would not have gone out after Pentecost and spread the Good News, and we would not even be where we are in our faith today!

God gives us His Spirit so we can live life to the full always! Don't let the world get in the way of that!





Note: I do have supportive friends and family at home here (I probably paint them to be terrible friends - but they are there for me if I need!). But some days are better than others, and I am writing this all on a day where I feel particularly lonely. 

Introducing 'The Everyday Missionary'

It all began when I'd only been home for a couple of days, and was already struggling with adjusting to be being back!

Hearing stories from past Mission Teamers about life after MT has given me glimpses as to just how hard it might be. And I was already experiencing that...

Because I am no longer in Christchurch and I've been away for two years, I don't really have anyone here who understands and who I can off load to.

So I have decided to make a blog! With three main reasons:

1. Writing things down helps me process them better and get them off my mind
2. It could help other MTers going back into everyday life who might experience similar struggles
3. I can look back at it in the future and see how far I've come!

So this blog is a series of posts about life after Mission Team - my struggles, my triumphs, my decisions and my faith journey. But most of all MY MISSION!

This blog is called 'The Everyday Missionary,' because as I am slowly discovering, it doesn't stop when your title is no longer 'missionary.' 😀 It has only begun!!


To begin, here's a prayer I wrote on the 28th of November 2018 (4 days after arriving home) that inspired the title of this blog. You can tell I was struggling from the desperateness and vulnerability of the prayer! You might not relate, but this is where I was at after returning home.

DEAR JESUS,

Where am I at?

I am lost. 

I am wondering around with hardly any direction, no goal, no daily schedule, no idea of where I'm going or how I should get there. 

I'm lost because I have no purpose.

On MT, my purpose was to be on MT! 

To stick to schedule, I had nearly every day planned out. 

But now I haven't got that....

Yes, times are different to before, I am not doing MT stuff or full time ministry.

But I don't need a schedule or a title to have a purpose!

I am a Child of God! I am not lost! 

And my purpose is to spread your love; to spread the Gospel. 

Even though I'm not a 'Missionary,' I can still be a missionary!

My purpose is to spread God's love! 

It doesn't have to be huge, it doesn't even have to be through youth events. 

Just the little everyday things that pop up!

Being patient with my parents or siblings, doing the dishes,cooking a meal, offering to help out, reaching out to those in need. 

So Lord, 

Where am I at?

I'm struggling because my days aren't full but I feel like they should be. 

I have lots I could do yet no motivation. 

I have you (or rather you've got me!) and I love you. 

But it's harder to serve you when I don't have a set mission or task that means I have to serve you. 

It's hard to just be an everyday missionary!

And it's hard to feel like I can't specifically hear you guiding me. 

But help me to be attentive and obedient to you in the little things. 

So when bigger things do come, I am ready.

💗💓 Your helpless servant + everyday missionary.  💓💗